You've been replaced by an awesome human!! Not that you're not awesome, just there's another awesome person now for me to protect and play with!! And she is the SAME SIZE as ME!!!!
I'm a little confused as to what happened to you, but she keeps telling me that you'll be back soon. I hope so because even though she's really great (and smells like plants and cat), I really miss you.
When she first brought me to this new place I was a little scared because there was this HUGE gray spiky thing that sounded like a constipated rhinoceros blocking the ENTIRE doorway. It was also spitting at us and hissing and it had really sharp things coming out of its mouth and feet. I think this is another c-a-t. But I've always thought cats were something to play with, not evil. Oh well. She sort of comes out and acts like she wants to be nice and then she swats at my nose. She won't let me walk past her in the hallway and she keeps blocking the doorway to the rooms I go into and then won't move to let me out. I don't think she likes me that much and I get a little jealous when she gets attention from the human. I'd really like to get the chance to sniff her butt at some point though.
This new person doesn't seem to like when I try to get on her couch and when I tried to sit in her lap she made an oof sound, but I think she liked it. I wanted to let you know that I've been doing a VERY good job at protecting her and barking at EVERYONE to make them go away. She yells "no!" but I think she's thanking me for doing such a great job. Tonight she said, "You're going to make me tear my brains out," and I barked even louder. I'm pretty proud of myself.
Oooh and she has the BEST sticks!! They smell like all kinds of wonderful good-ness. Dead things and poop and mold and there are a bunch of them down in the sewer drain. For some reason she will only throw clean sticks for me, which is ok I guess...they just don't taste nearly as good. You won't believe this but today she actually told me that she couldn't throw the stick if I kept eating it. I thought that was the point!?
She makes me sit and stay before we go on a walk and then she gives me treats when I walk next to her. I like her enough...does she think she is bribing me to like her? I never let her go anywhere without me in the house!! I just want to go smell everything so badly!! I'm not sure if I like getting treats or following my nose the best, so I kind of walk in a big circle doing both. She's getting more stingy on the treats, but she keeps calling me a "good boy." If I'm a good boy, where are my treats!?
Yesterday I thought she made something delicious for me. It turns out it was her dinner, not mine. Oops. I tried to be very good after that last night to say I was sorry. She called it a veggie burger and it was ddeeeeee-licious!! Dad, I want to eat veggie burgers alllll the time now!! Can I? Can I please?
She says I'm off on another adventure tomorrow and that she'll miss me. I'll sure miss her - and veggie burgers and sewer sticks!! But probably not the c-a-t.
Miss you Dad.